D is for Difficult
Everybody has difficulty from time to time - or a difficult issue to deal with. It’s life - but sometimes, it can overwhelm, threaten you, drown you. Currently my own difficulties at times - well - seem insurmountable; being unemployed, trying to figure out what comes next, worrying about my future and finances...but these seem like mere nuisances when I consider what my husband deals with.
He is currently the interim Chief of Police at his department - he has plenty of work to do and decisions to make - he knows what to do, he knows what needs to be done, and he knows it’s the right thing to do, and he’s ready to make those decisions and face whatever comes as a result. But...unfortunately, it’s just never that simple. Being chief does not mean he gets to call all the shots. He must balance the needs of his officers, command staff and the city he works for. And that balance is extraordinarily difficult...because the needs and wants of these 3 beasts just don’t mesh. It’s much akin to playing a huge game of chess - and he’s becoming mentally exhausted. I’m a caretaker by nature - and it’s extraordinarily difficult for me to just stand by and watch him go through this alone. I can listen, and he often uses me as a sounding board, but most of the time I pray: pray that the pieces fall together in a way that works for everybody - pray that another roadblock won’t block his path - pray he keeps his sense of humor, because at times, it’s the only thing keeping his sanity in check - pray he gets his peace of mind back.
We live in a glass house for lack of a better term - everything we do, say, everywhere we go, - we have to be aware of how it appears, how will we be perceived. Never in my life did I anticipate I would have to live in and be part of the world of politics. But...I am...and it’ ugly here...I get less of his time, and less of his attention. He’s attached to the city and the department - literally at the hip - through his iPhone and iPad.
I’m learning I either roll with it or let it roll me over. And I’ve learned in this life, perception, is everything. Is this a difficulty? Or just a challenge? I’ve had plenty of difficulties in my life - everybody does. From the death of my father, to my separation and divorce, to the devastating aftermath my children went through as a result. It’s what shapes us - it certainly has molded me into the strong woman I am today. You learn - either bend, yield and flow or be unyielding, stiff, hard and eventually broken.
So far, I haven’t faced anything that’s broken me...
He is currently the interim Chief of Police at his department - he has plenty of work to do and decisions to make - he knows what to do, he knows what needs to be done, and he knows it’s the right thing to do, and he’s ready to make those decisions and face whatever comes as a result. But...unfortunately, it’s just never that simple. Being chief does not mean he gets to call all the shots. He must balance the needs of his officers, command staff and the city he works for. And that balance is extraordinarily difficult...because the needs and wants of these 3 beasts just don’t mesh. It’s much akin to playing a huge game of chess - and he’s becoming mentally exhausted. I’m a caretaker by nature - and it’s extraordinarily difficult for me to just stand by and watch him go through this alone. I can listen, and he often uses me as a sounding board, but most of the time I pray: pray that the pieces fall together in a way that works for everybody - pray that another roadblock won’t block his path - pray he keeps his sense of humor, because at times, it’s the only thing keeping his sanity in check - pray he gets his peace of mind back.
We live in a glass house for lack of a better term - everything we do, say, everywhere we go, - we have to be aware of how it appears, how will we be perceived. Never in my life did I anticipate I would have to live in and be part of the world of politics. But...I am...and it’ ugly here...I get less of his time, and less of his attention. He’s attached to the city and the department - literally at the hip - through his iPhone and iPad.
I’m learning I either roll with it or let it roll me over. And I’ve learned in this life, perception, is everything. Is this a difficulty? Or just a challenge? I’ve had plenty of difficulties in my life - everybody does. From the death of my father, to my separation and divorce, to the devastating aftermath my children went through as a result. It’s what shapes us - it certainly has molded me into the strong woman I am today. You learn - either bend, yield and flow or be unyielding, stiff, hard and eventually broken.
So far, I haven’t faced anything that’s broken me...
Comments
Post a Comment