Belly dancing motorcycle riding momma seeking divine inspiration and fulfillment
I’m a map and street grid kind of girl. I don’t do Tom-Tom or GPS. Give me an address and a map and I’ll find it. But right now, I’m lost, I have no map, and my internal navigator has no clue what to do...
A little over 3 months ago I quit my job, for various reasons. Mainly because, I was tired of what I was doing, I was stuck in a rut. Secondly, my husband had just been promoted to an extremely demanding job; it seemed like this was a good time to stay home to run a household and look after children. I saw this as a great opportunity.
I still do.
An opportunity to figure out who I am and what I want for my life - how many people actually get a chance like this? I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice in 1994. For the last 17 to 18 years, all I’ve known is corrections and the judicial system. I’ve worked in a professional capacity dealing with convicted felons, and all of the rehabilitation, research and evidence based practices as to what works best with this population that goes along with that profession. I started out working as a security monitor on the graveyard shift in a half-way house (community corrections) with about 70 male and female felony offenders. I progressed from there. Along the way, I became a mother to two girls. And then, got divorced after spending 15 years in a neglectful marriage.
And THEN, I started living.
I travelled - a lot, more than I had my entire life; I started taking belly dancing classes - simply because I always wanted to learn, started dating a wonderful man, and became his motorcycle traveling companion, and last year became his wife - and now giving a shot at blogging. But I still haven’t figured out what I want.
I’m the kind of person that believes, there’s a path God has outlined for me, I have a mission if you will, there is SOMETHING I should be doing, there is something I am MEANT to do - I just have no idea what that is - and it is confounding as hell for me.
This is the first time since I was 14 years old I have not had a job...and I have to say - I feel rather insufficient most of the time. I realize a large part of my identity was tied in to what I did for a living - now I’m trying to figure out - now what? This belly dancing, motorcycle riding, music loving momma...where does she go and what does she do now?
I know who I am, I know what matters, I know what’s uncompromisable in my life, I know where my loyalties are, the important aspects that make up who I am; my integrity, my passion, my devotion, I want to do the right thing, I like making people happy. I’m also a perfectionist - in a lot of ways, it can be a blessing and a curse because I’m my own worst critic. How do I reconcile who I am with what I should be doing?
It would be so much easier if I could take a peek at that map, or chart, if I could see the future...I guess that’s why it’s a journey - I’m terrified I’ll make a mistake or take a wrong turn.
A little over 3 months ago I quit my job, for various reasons. Mainly because, I was tired of what I was doing, I was stuck in a rut. Secondly, my husband had just been promoted to an extremely demanding job; it seemed like this was a good time to stay home to run a household and look after children. I saw this as a great opportunity.
I still do.
An opportunity to figure out who I am and what I want for my life - how many people actually get a chance like this? I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice in 1994. For the last 17 to 18 years, all I’ve known is corrections and the judicial system. I’ve worked in a professional capacity dealing with convicted felons, and all of the rehabilitation, research and evidence based practices as to what works best with this population that goes along with that profession. I started out working as a security monitor on the graveyard shift in a half-way house (community corrections) with about 70 male and female felony offenders. I progressed from there. Along the way, I became a mother to two girls. And then, got divorced after spending 15 years in a neglectful marriage.
And THEN, I started living.
I travelled - a lot, more than I had my entire life; I started taking belly dancing classes - simply because I always wanted to learn, started dating a wonderful man, and became his motorcycle traveling companion, and last year became his wife - and now giving a shot at blogging. But I still haven’t figured out what I want.
I’m the kind of person that believes, there’s a path God has outlined for me, I have a mission if you will, there is SOMETHING I should be doing, there is something I am MEANT to do - I just have no idea what that is - and it is confounding as hell for me.
This is the first time since I was 14 years old I have not had a job...and I have to say - I feel rather insufficient most of the time. I realize a large part of my identity was tied in to what I did for a living - now I’m trying to figure out - now what? This belly dancing, motorcycle riding, music loving momma...where does she go and what does she do now?
I know who I am, I know what matters, I know what’s uncompromisable in my life, I know where my loyalties are, the important aspects that make up who I am; my integrity, my passion, my devotion, I want to do the right thing, I like making people happy. I’m also a perfectionist - in a lot of ways, it can be a blessing and a curse because I’m my own worst critic. How do I reconcile who I am with what I should be doing?
It would be so much easier if I could take a peek at that map, or chart, if I could see the future...I guess that’s why it’s a journey - I’m terrified I’ll make a mistake or take a wrong turn.
My kids' art teacher tells them: there are no mistakes -- only opportunities. So, try something. If you don't like it, try something else. You're young, strong, and have a great support network. Stretch and reach and explore. And if you fall, someone will be here to catch you. And the next time, you can go even higher. Hell, you've already done this with your marriage. Can a job be any harder than that? I have faith in you.
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