Salvaging and Salvation

How long does it take...? I started this blog about a year ago. A year ago I was excited then about what lie ahead of me (interesting word "lie" especially in this context).  I was hoping then to figure out what I really want to do, I was excited about my prospects. Since then everything has fallen apart for me - I'm hopeless right now. I had quit my job hoping to discover what I really wanted to do. At the time my husband had just taken an interim appointment as Chief of police. We were excited about what the future held for us. In the course of a year, it feels like we've been beaten to a bloody pulp. The demands and stress of his job nearly took his life and ended our marriage. In his words "I hit bottom and started to dig". I have been without a job for over a year. The part time contract position I had held working for a software company did not work out, partly because my personal life had fallen apart, it also just didn't feel like the right...

Bombardment My life over the last year has been a series of dodging land mines and sidestepping obstacles. It was a rough ride for sure - in every sense that you can possibly imagine - from careers, kids, my marriage - I wasn't at all sure we would make it. Much of it is behind me now. My life is taking on some semblance of normalcy. My husband is finally freed from the toxicity of a corrupt police department, I am finally employed again, we are actually looking forward to a future. And making plans to have one together doesn't seem so farfetched anymore. No matter what stage I'm at in my life - one question has constantly plagued me: "Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I on the path God intended for ME?" If there's anything that matters to me, it is this mantra; it is my constant prayer; my incessant hope...am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I read a blog about having a career and motherhood today that seemed reminded me of m...

My husband has uttered these words more than once these last few weeks... He is presently contemplating starting the process to file for his disability; effectively ending a law enforcement career he has had for about 26 years. That's a lifetime. A lifetime of service.  A lifetime of putting his life on the line for others. A lifetime of sacrifice - his physical and mental well-being are now at stake. Part of the process involves documenting when his condition started. Who knows...it could have been 6 weeks on the job, his first officer involved shooting - he was just a rookie in Columbus, Mississippi, he hadn't even been through the police academy yet. It could have been any one of a number of homicide investigations that he was involved in - there are  countless of them. He admitted to me one day, he tried to count how many there actually were...he couldn't.  He could remember the name of every victim, but had no idea how many. I actually read the police repo...