Salvaging and Salvation

I’m a map and street grid kind of girl.  I don’t do Tom-Tom or GPS.  Give me an address and a map and I’ll find it.  But right now, I’m lost, I have no map, and my internal navigator has no clue what to do... A little over 3 months ago I quit my job, for various reasons. Mainly because, I was tired of what I was doing, I was stuck in a rut.  Secondly, my husband had just been promoted to an extremely demanding job; it seemed like this was a good time to stay home to run a household and look after children.  I saw this as a great opportunity. I still do. An opportunity to figure out who I am and what I want for my life - how many people actually get a chance like this?  I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in Criminal Justice in 1994.  For the last 17 to 18 years, all I’ve known is corrections and the judicial system.  I’ve worked in a professional capacity dealing with convicted felons, and all of the rehabilitation, research and evidence b...

It’s about being alone and not giving a shit about anything or anybody, because no one gives a shit about you.  It’s about being so tired of the bull shit, you just want to call it quits, throw in the towel.  It’s having your head repeatedly bashed in that even leaning on the ropes gives no respite. Fuck’em all but 9... I’m behind the ropes, watching from the side of the ring while one I love is just being pummeled. Nothing I can do, no support, no solace, no comfort I give can help.  What’s worse...?  Being beaten up or watching someone you care about being beaten...and not a God damn thing you can do to stop it.  He has to finish this fight - go all 12 rounds so to speak.  I can feel his weariness, I can see the strain of staying focused on his face. I want this fight to be over finally.  Each time the bell rings, a different fighter steps in, like tag teaming... Fuck’em all but 9... I’m so tired, so frustrated, so angry.  I’m tired of s...